|so it seems a trend of mine to take a minute at the end of the year and reflect. remember details of the last whirlwind of a year and think about things that make me happy and things that i want to change. i think life is all about change. it's so great to see lots of people around me that i care so much about. it's so easy. i think it's good to try to put yourself in other people's shoes and to be thankful for what you have. i think it's helpful to look at others around you that you love and respect and see how they live certain parts of their lives, how they raise their babes, and think about how you can do things differently. change, evolve, and grow to be who you want to be. i look at my kids and think about where they'll be in 5, 10, 15 years. it scares me. and it makes me excited. we all have the ability to be who we want to be, and to do what we want to do. if you want to be good, then be good. if you want to learn something new, then do it. it's really that easy. getting the boost to actually do it and stick with it is hard, but we can all do anything we want. the other night i was watching my new favorite show "Intervention" on A&E. i love this show, but i must admit that it freaks me out a bit. i always sit and wonder HOW .... how in the world does someone get to that place? the place where they choose a substance or a bad lifestyle over happiness and family? most of it goes back to their childhood. this is a crazy scary responsibility that we as parents have. to make sure that your kids are on the right path and making the right choices, and secure in who they are as a person, as a meaningful member of your family. it's so important.
i didn't grow up in a perfect household. but i grew up secure. i grew up scared of the Big C, and i'm sure it molded me into someone different than if i didn't live most of my life with my dad on chemo, in and out of remission. but i really feel like my dad handled it in a way that it was a positive influence on my sister and me. we learned to appreciate family, we learned that life is hard sometimes. but what is it that my parents instilled in me that made me make the choices i made up until now? and maybe it doesn't even go that deep? but everyday we're faced with decisions and choices that mold us into who we become. i just hope that my kids always make the right choice for them. looking back, i know i didn't always make the most sensible choices, and i sometimes cringe thinking about some of the choices i made at one point or another. but i look at where i'm at right now, and all of the choices i've made have landed me right here, right now. and i'm in a good spot. so i think it's good to look back and say, yea, that was a good thing. that : not so good, but this is what i'm taking away from it. it's a lifelong journey.
over the holidays, we watched old videos. i was sitting with my mom and the kids the other day and papaw got brought up. i told little jae & harp that we have tons of old videos, they could see and hear what papaw looked and sounded like, and they could see me as a kid. they were so excited. so we did, and they giggled the whole time. the oldest ones we watched, i was 7, so just a smidge older than my daughter is now. and my parents are just a smidge older than i am now. it was good, probably for all of us, to watch. jaeda giggled at papaw and wants to watch more, which we'll probably spend an entire day doing soon. i was studying my parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc .... just seeing how they have grown, evolved, and changed. and thinking that i have the same in store for me in my future, it's pretty wild.
2008 was a mix. for me personally, it was great. for my business it was great. but there are always things that make me stop and think. probably too many of us know someone who has suffered a lost this past year or been put in a compromising position. life isn't fair. life sucks at times. and it is hard to move forward. i'm a true believer that time and family/friends heals a hurting heart. you will never forget, but your memories may one day bring a smile to your face rather than heartache...
the economy crisis : i think it's made everyone stop and think. gas was over $4 a gallon over the summer. everything that you watch on the news is scary. the election this year of 2008 was the biggest election *ever* of my time. i just hope for change - soon.
i moved in to my new place in march and haven't stopped moving yet. i had another great year with my business and it's so exciting to me! i have two new roommates, one of whom i've been life-long friends with and carry so much respect for, for so many reasons, and his sweet son. it's been nice to have fun and laughter around here, and they're both a big part of that. i've seen jae grow and grow this year, and she's still such a sweet girl. she's outgoing, she's confident, she's a caretaker. she's doing so great with school, i couldn't be more proud. she's so sweet, and she looks out for everyone. and, she's decided that she loves to model ... and i must admit, she's good :) harper has grown so much that it makes me sad, but then he's still just a little guy. he's funny, silly, and is starting to tell stories and join in on conversations. it's so cute. out of nowhere, he'll say 'hey mommy.' and i say 'yes, harp ...' and quiet .... quiet ... 'hey mommy?' 'yes, harp.' .... and you'll see his mind wondering what he should say. what can he come up with that's interesting to say? 'hey, mommy?' 'yes, harp? ....' and then he'll say "me yuv you." i melt, and sigh. he's such a sweet little boy, such a cuddler, he's just perfect.
so 2008 has come to an end .... what's in store for '09? i'm not real sure about the whole new year resolution thing .... i have lots of things that i want/need to do to better my health. but my main goal in '09 is to continue to walk thru this life with my eyes wide open, seeing everything and enjoying everything around me. seeing the smiles and the hesitation when jae sings & dances for us. seeing harp's sly grin when he says something that he knows is funny. remembering my own life as a child, and trying to always be attentive to the kid's needs.
HAPPY 2009 TO EVERYONE!!!!
the monsters of the house .......... (i guess these are their monster faces?)